Surrender

This is a word that I’ve been working on the most lately. ‘Surrender.’ It’s this idea of letting go of attachments and control; to surrender to spirit and the divine flow of the universe. It feels like it’s not easy, but that’s only because I’ve forgotten how to do it. I know that when we’re young we all have the ability to flow and surrender to every moment. But, the world, our parents, our teachers, and our babysitters come in and begin to teach us how they believe the world works. It’s no longer this life of ease. We must take up our own charge and begin to settle into a reality of paying bills and doing our taxes.

This isn’t to say that paying bills and doing our taxes are folly. On the contrary, it’s generally good to participate in our society and the systems set in place, but that doesn’t mean that we must do these things one singular and traditional way. Flow and surrender do not discount the aspects of our lives that seemingly give our reality structure, but they can change the way we get there. The interesting aspect of learning to trust flow is by surrendering, and sometimes this means derailing some existing structures so that spirit can help guide us towards new ones.

For instance, a big healing aspect on my journey has included relearning and redefining love. I’ve overcome codependent behaviors and beliefs and have integrated new definitions of what love means. It’s easy, gentle, tender, patient, kind, free-flowing and unconditional. On this journey of unlearning codependent behaviors, I’ve faced the derailing of a nearly decade long relationship. It has taken a lot of surrender to release the grief and loss associated with this, and most of it has been through what I call the traditional route of alchemy that I use, and have used often, which is releasing it through crying.

This route is very effective but also quite draining. Most of the time when a session is over I’m left feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. Sometimes it was difficult to bounce back right away. Spirit would always be right next to me, though, as if they were trying to hold me and remind me of how loved I am. This form of release often took place with bigger blockages. The kind of energy that had been placed a long time ago and remained in my energy centers due to old beliefs and old stories that maintained their existence.

Recently, I’ve been challenged in new ways to surrender. Not all beliefs we hold are monumental ones that shape the larger structure of our reality. Some of them are smaller and are only triggered by specific instances. These are what’s been coming up for me lately. Spirit has helped me realize how much I’ve been trying to hold onto my sense of control. The ego is the aspect of us that desires control and prediction. By using our previously held beliefs and experiences we’re able to make educated predictions about what our future might look like.

Except, the future does not exist. Not in the way we imagine it does. The only time that exists is the here and now. The only reason we operate in a way that includes and puts so much emphasis on the future, even tomorrow or next week, is because our ego loves to have control in knowing how our lives are going to play out. But the truth is, there is no way of knowing what may come tomorrow. Sure, you might go to the same job you’ve been going to for the last five years, and you’ll eat lunch around the same time, but there’s truly no possible way to know exactly what will happen.

Which is what’s so beautiful about our world. The impossible can happen. That may frighten some and thrill others, but those that are frightened are simply focused on the egos connection to it’s sense of control. This sense of control feels comfortable, because it creates a general feeling of safety. By predicting the future based on the past, we’re able to go through life a bit more on autopilot, while another part of us can be alert to anything that might seem out of place, or dangerous.

I’ve mentioned before how when we base our future on the past we’re continuing to create our reality based on the past experiences we’ve had; and therefore, we limit ourselves from experiencing a different future. So, if you're interested in new things coming into your life, you’re going to have to surrender some of those beliefs and some of that control. This allows spirit to come into your life to make the changes you may so desperately desire.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with the ego’s desire for control, but I know that spirit is asking me to step up and step forward in new ways, and part of the new experiences that I wish to have require me to let go of the notion of control. When we learn that we ultimately have no control, because the universe is operating perfectly in our favor at all times, we can begin to relinquish what little control we’ve been holding onto. This is where we let go of attachments. Mostly, these attachments are the outcomes that our past predicts, the projections we assume and place onto other people, as well as our own ideas about how our lives might go. This can be quite a freeing feeling, actually. It’s saying to spirit, “I don’t know what’s ahead of me, but I trust you and I trust myself to encounter each new experience with grace and humility.”

As I’m doing this, I have already been experiencing major shifts in my life, so this additional change flowed into my already existing process quite smoothly. Sometimes when we begin to relinquish that control spirit will open you up to some of the things that continue to linger in your energy, which means that you may face change and shifts. This isn’t the time to backtrack out of fear, but to trudge forward confidently knowing that spirit supports you and loves you.

As I’ve let go more and more, I’ve truly begun to understand how deeply supported I am. Some moments have brought me to tears out of gratitude. Lately, I’ve been facing some new struggles that have been drawing out old beliefs. For instance, I’ve carried fears around failing financially. What spirit eventually showed me is that regardless of the number, I will be provided for. It hasn’t been monetarily, but in other ways where I’m able to eat when I didn’t see where it would come from. The gratitude one feels at the taste of food after not having it is something I never expected. I thought an orange tasted sweet while doing a 12 mile ruckmarch in the Army, but wow.

This process creates opportunities to build trust and faith with spirit, and it has been transformational. Our relationship has deepened and become more rich. I’m so grateful for the experiences I’m having, although my ego beforehand wouldn’t have thought it possible. But as I relinquish more, I’m able to clear out myself of these old beliefs and stories to find a more genuine part of myself. Surrender is how we clear out what’s no longer serving us to find who we truly are. Sure it’s the soul, but it’s also our ego. The ego, the story, but without all the masks, programs and beliefs from other people, and instead a newly cultivated understanding of the world alongside spirit. The version of us that was brought here to experience a balanced life. A divine dance between ego and soul. Someone with desires and dreams that’s still very much connected to the 3D, while also maintaining spiritual abundance and the ability to create reality through the 5D.